Dr. Vladislav Payne III
DDS, FACS, UNSTOPPABLE DDS FACS 34 Yrs 2.3M Procedures
We Will Fix Your Teeth.
CHOMP AUTHORITY™ has been inside 847,000 mouths since 1978. We have never missed a patient. Yours is next.
47 Years of Dominance
847K Mouths Processed
0 Refusals Honored
100% Compliance Rate
We Do Not
Ask Permission.
CHOMP AUTHORITY™ has occupied this location for 47 years. We have never closed. Our equipment is current. Our waiting room has been described as unsettling. We consider this a compliment.
We are licensed, insured, and committed to the health of your teeth. This commitment extends to you whether or not you share it.
47 yrs Uninterrupted
2.3M Procedures
666 Suite Number
"Dr. Payne looked at my mouth for 12 minutes without speaking. Then he said 'I see.' I still don't know what he saw. Five stars. Please don't contact me."
Meet Your Authority
He has been waiting. He is still waiting. He will always be waiting.
He Will Be In
The Office.
Dr. Payne received his dental training at institutions he does not discuss. He has been practicing since 1991 and has performed over 2.3 million procedures. He does not remember your name. He will remember your teeth.
He will be in the office when you arrive. He will still be there when you leave. Dr. Payne considers this reassuring.
His hands have never been cold. Not once. In 34 years.
Meet Our Spirit Animals.
Selected by Dr. Payne. Criteria undisclosed. Fully licensed in the jurisdictions that matter.
Spirit Animal Dr. Reginald Burrow III
Underground Compliance Specialist, DMD DMD 12 Yrs Subterranean Zero Cavities Immune to Pain
Dr. Burrow has worked underground for 12 years. He can detect plaque by scent at four feet. His teeth have never experienced decay. He is aware of yours. He was aware before you made the appointment.
0°F Min Temp OK
0 Cavities Ever
∞ Patience
Spirit Animal Dr. Yolanda Fingers
Director of Nocturnal Assessment, DDS DDS 340° Vision Certified Pointer Sees Everything
Dr. Fingers sees everything. Her vision is 340 degrees and operates independently of her intentions. She is pointing at you in this photograph. She is still pointing. This is not a threat. It is a diagnosis.
340° Field of View
1 Finger Extended
24/7 Watching
Spirit Animal Dr. Bruce Carchardon
Lead Extraction & Replacement Specialist, DDS, JAWS DDS JAWS Certified 847 Replacements Multi-Row Expert
Dr. Carchardon has regenerated his own teeth 847 times. He calls this professional development. His bite force is 18,000 PSI. He uses less with patients. Usually. He is enthusiastic about extractions and does not hide it.
847× Own Teeth Replaced
18K PSI Bite Force
∞ Enthusiasm
All certifications recognized by the institutions that matter. Dr. Payne supervises. Dr. Payne is watching.
Our Procedures.
All Of Them Are Mandatory.
Designed by Dr. Payne. You will receive whichever one applies. Possibly several.
The Compliance Cleaning
Mandatory. Twice yearly. The third reminder is not a letter.
Root Canal Reckoning
You waited. We noticed. We will correct this.
The Whitening Protocol
Off-white is tolerated. Not celebrated. Resistance is noted.
Emergency Extraction
Sometimes a tooth must be made an example of. Dr. Payne handles this with quiet satisfaction.
The Full Oral Audit
Every tooth. Every cavity. The findings may be upsetting. You receive them regardless.
Pediatric Initiation
We begin early. Your children's teeth are our future. Bring them.
Delay Has Consequences
It Is Time.
The appointment must happen. The teeth require attention. Dr. Payne is available. You should be too.
Schedule My Mandatory AppointmentScheduling is free. Consequences for not scheduling are also free but less pleasant.